Father's Day is beyond depressing for me. I lost my father ten years ago and even though I had an inconsistent relationship with him, I knew that he was one of my best friends and loved me more than anything. I can say the same thing for the father of my children - he definitely loves them as they love him - but the fact that he has hated me, and made my life a living hell, makes me question how genuinely he wanted the best for his daughters.
I divorced when my children were quite young, and I can honestly say it was an amicable divorce. We were both done with each other, and admitted that we never should have married in the first place. Enter the wicked step-mother and all bets were off. From the moment she arrived on the scene, she made it known that she would be the one in control. She got involved in the divorce and tried to call all the shots. She decided early on that she would be the one to discipline my children. He and my daughters were equally afraid of her and didn't dare cross her. Needless to say, it has been a living hell for me, with this woman that I despise, playing such an important part in my daughters' lives. It broke my heart when they would come home after a weekend at their place, crying because of what the stepmother had said or done.
No decision concerning the children, was ever made without him saying, "I have to ask (the stepmother) first." In other words, she had the final say. Anyone who is a mother, knows how infuriating it is, to have another woman decide what your child can and cannot do. Mostly it had to do with finances, and needless to say, they could never afford anything, even thought I would have to pay half.
Now that all is said and done and the children are adults, my ex-husband and I have very little to do with each other. I miss the fact that I can't talk to him about the girls, the only person in this world who loves them as much as I do. I am so hurt that he doesn't respect me or the fact that I raised his children while he was busy climbing the corporate ladder. I resent the fact that his wife thinks that she raised my children when in fact, they resented felt uncomfortable spending time with her, and still do.
There are moments when we are thrown together, such as last Easter, when he and I connect like in the old days, and it is a magical moment for me. But that is only when stepmother is not around, because the minute she shows her face, he puts on the cold shoulder towards me. I know he is not allowed to have any connection with me, and it hurts.
I want to thank him for being a good father to my children and doing the best he knew how. If I could offer any advice to divorced fathers, it would be:
• spend some alone time with your children without the stepmother.
• don't ever try to replace the biological mother with a stepmother, it just doesn't work and only causes resentment.
• have the balls to stand up to your wife when she doesn't have your child's best interest at heart.
• your ex-wife isn't the enemy, she did raise your children and loves them more than anything.
• money isn't everything.
Nothing can ever heal the wounds that were inflicted on all sides, and I have to accept the fact that life isn't fair.