Right Brained Gal

Happy Father's Day to the Father of my Children

Father's Day is beyond depressing for me.  I lost my father ten years ago and even though I had an inconsistent relationship with him, I knew that he was one of my best friends and loved me more than anything.  I can say the same thing for the father of my children - he definitely loves them as they love him - but the fact that he has hated me, and made my life a living hell, makes me question how genuinely he wanted the best for his daughters.

I divorced when my children were quite young, and I can honestly say it was an amicable divorce.  We were both done with each other, and admitted that we never should have married in the first place.  Enter the wicked step-mother and all bets were off.  From the moment she arrived on the scene, she made it known that she would be the one in control. She got involved in the divorce and tried to call all the shots. She decided early on that she would be the one to discipline my children. He and my daughters were equally afraid of her and didn't dare cross her.  Needless to say, it has been a living hell for me, with this woman that I despise, playing such an important part in my daughters' lives. It broke my heart when they would come home after a weekend at their place, crying because of what the stepmother had said or done.

No decision concerning the children, was ever made without him saying, "I have to ask (the stepmother) first."  In other words, she had the final say.  Anyone who is a mother, knows how infuriating it is, to have another woman decide what your child can and cannot do.  Mostly it had to do with finances, and needless to say, they could never afford anything, even thought I would have to pay half. 

Now that all is said and done and the children are adults, my ex-husband and I have very little to do with each other.  I miss the fact that I can't talk to him about the girls, the only person in this world who loves them as much as I do.  I am so hurt that he doesn't respect me or the fact that I raised his children while he was busy climbing the corporate ladder.  I resent the fact that his wife thinks that she raised my children when in fact, they resented felt uncomfortable spending time with her, and still do.

There are moments when we are thrown together, such as last Easter, when he and I connect like in the old days, and it is a magical moment for me.  But that is only when stepmother is not around, because the minute she shows her face, he puts on the cold shoulder towards me.  I know he is not allowed to have any connection with me, and it hurts.

I want to thank him for being a good father to my children and doing the best he knew how.  If I could offer any advice to divorced fathers, it would be:

• spend some alone time with your children without the stepmother.

• don't ever try to replace the biological mother with a stepmother, it just doesn't work and only causes resentment.

• have the balls to stand up to your wife when she doesn't have your child's best interest at heart.

• your ex-wife isn't the enemy, she did raise your children and loves them more than anything.

• money isn't everything.

Nothing can ever heal the wounds that were inflicted on all sides, and I have to accept the fact that life isn't fair.

Illustration Friday - Crave

The subject this week for Illustration Friday is crave.  I am craving the sun because this is the annual June Gloom time in Southern California, where the sun rarely comes out because of a thing called Marine Layer.  It is caused by the desert air, 100 miles East, heating up and rising, pulling in cool air off the Alaskan Current. It is especially prevelent along the ocean, which is where I now live.  I'll probably be wishing for it come July, when it is 100+ degrees and smoggy.

This is What One Million Dollars Will Buy You in Santa Monica, CA

Actually the price has been reduced to $999,999.  Granted, it's in a really nice neighborhood and only a block from the beach (minus a 500 foot drop), but it still lacks curb appeal! If the economy were better, this would have been bought by now, torn down and a huge house put in its place. I think the hose is included in the price.

Gratitude

Last week was my birthday and I am so grateful that I have such loving daughters and friends. Even though I don't like celebrating my birthday (I never have, even as a child) it's nice to feel loved.

Cooking with Julienne

One of the things I miss about living in San Marino is being able to stop by my favorite bistro, Julienne's for breakfast, lunch or takeout for dinner.  I fell in love with this place from the beginning and have always wished that I myself, could create such original recipes. The owner was a single mother of four daughters who started the bistro as a way to support them after a divorce. 

Her business thrived and she became one of the most popular caterers in all of Southern California. Her rosemary raisin bread, scones and brownies were legendary. The restaurant was a place for mom's to meet after carpool and a very trendy place for lunch.

Unfortunately the owner, Susan Campoy died a few months ago, but not before she wrote a cookbook of her favorite recipes, the ones that people like me could only dream of making.

I had read that her daughter's were having the book published and hopefully it would be ready for Mother's Day and mentioned it to my daughter. You can imagine how surprised I was to receive it for my Mother's day present, thanks to my daughter who went to the restaurant Saturday morning, and stood in line to get a copy.  I am sure that all of Pasadena was in line that morning, having anxiously awaited this cookbook for over twenty years. Although I haven't made anything yet, I have read it from cover to cover many times. 

If you are ever in the Pasadena area, I recommend you stop by for a great breakfast or lunch and to buy a copy of her cookbook.  The bistro is going to be run by her daughter Julie, who has been her partner for a few years now.  If you would like to order this book on line you can do it here.

The Best Hike in California

My daughter Erin was visiting from Chicago a few weeks ago, and for a few fabulous days, I got to hang out with both my daughters and son-in-law. One day we decided to go hiking, and since my daughter Shannon and her husband are almost professional hikers, I almost backed out. Then I found out we were going to Point Dume, which is a relatively easy hike, and also one of the most spectacular views in all of Southern California. It was a beautiful, relaxing day, full of memories that I will cherish forever.

Going Back in Time for a Great Breakfast

I am not a morning person. I hate all things related to that time of day.  I especially don't like breakfast and the smell of fried eggs are enough to send my stomach into convulsions. It may be deep rooted in the fact that breakfast was mandatory when I was growing up.  My mother cared less about causing clogged arteries, than she did about going to school with an empty stomach.  I tried to convince her that greasy fried eggs, bacon and sausage were not the healthiest way to start the day, and I would much rather have the leftover pizza instead. Since morning wasn't the best time of day for her either, we spoke as little as possible, avoiding conflict that would put in me in a bad mood for the rest of the day.  I just learned to eat at the last minute, fill my mouth as full as I possibly could, then spit it out as soon as I got outside. I loved it when there was snow on the ground, cause I could hide the evidence a lot quicker.

I was not real excited when my daughters and son-in-law suggested we stop for breakfast before we went on a hike. Especially when they suggested Patrick's Roadhouse, the quintessential hole in the wall and eyesore, that graces Pacific Coast Highway in Santa Monica. I have driven past this neon green landmark for as long as I can remember, never once having the urge to eat there. You can imagine my surprise when we went inside and I saw it was like eating in a funky antique shop, complete with framed memorabilia, knickknacks, and furniture that takes you back to garage sales, 50 years ago. It was something you would find in the middle of Washington State, not a stone's throw away from the beach in Malibu, California.
We chose to eat outside to enjoy the beautiful day, the ocean view and the air pollutants from the traffic on Pacific Coast Highway. Inside, the atmosphere was cozy, with locals reading the newspaper, and using the many board games lying around.  I don't want to say the service is slow, but you could take in a whole game of Monopoly before your breakfast arrives. There were tributes to Arnold Schwarzenegger everywhere, who was a regular before becoming Governator of California.  He has a table with his name on it, along with his special breakfast on the menu. Speaking of the menu, it was a - never met a carb I didn't like - kind of menu, with everything from sun dried tomato omelets, to caviar topped cheeseburgers. It was a little chaotic, not unlike the decor, but there was something for everyone and a lot more appealing that I would have imagined. The atmosphere is so casual, you could show up in your robe and slippers, and no one would blink an eye.

We didn't see anyone famous this time, but I hear it is a hang out for celebrities who love the eccentric atmosphere. Suffice it to stay, I still hate breakfast, but I can eat a bowl of fresh fruit, followed by a single multi-grain pancake, when I have to.