Right Brained Gal

The Best Ten Bucks I Spent At the Movies All Year

This has been a miserable year for Hollywood.  I am not thrilled when I spend ten dollars and precious time to watch pathetic movies that cause me to actually feel my brain cells rotting.  I have broken my rule of never stepping into a movie theater before August, and have really regretted it this year.

I just hope that Quintin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds Is an indication of better times ahead.  Nothing like a humorous and wishful rendition of Nazi Germany, starring Brad Pitt, to equal an enjoyable two + hours in a cool movie theater, while all of Los Angeles is burning around you. It was bit gory, and I must admit I closed my eyes a few times, but the acting, story and clever writing all but made up for it.  It was the best movie I have seen in a long time. Plus, Brad Pitt is as cute as ever.

Because I Need All the Help I Can Get

I am coming out of denial now and facing the fact that nothing is going to be easy in my life for a long, long time.  It is so hard for me to ask for help, but I know that I can't do this alone and need to be around other vulnerable people who will tell me what I need to hear when I need to hear it.  I believe people enter your life for a reason, and I have decided that I am going to open my heart and let a few in. I have started attending the Wellness Community in Santa Monica and I am so hopeful so far.  Not only do they have support groups, but there is yoga, meditation classes, strength training, a writing group, quilting and cooking classes.  Kind of like college without the studying. It's fairly close to my house and hopefully I will avail myself to the support I so desperately need.

Annenberg Community Beach House

Moving back to Santa Monica has been a dream come true for me, and I am loving it more and more every day.  It is ironic that I now live two blocks from where I lived when I was first married.  I guess you can say I have come full circle.  When we moved inland to Pasadena, we were fortunate enough to belong to a private beach club in Santa Monica, and the children and I took advantage of it as a convenient way to go to the beach. Now that I am living back here and no longer a member of the exclusive club of my ex-husband and his stodgy friends, you can imagine my delight when the they opened up a public beach club right next door. You have to pay for parking, and it cost $10 per person to use the pool, but if you just want to use the beach, it's free. The Annenberg Community Beach House opened to the public this past April and I for one am impressed and taking full advantage of it.

This 5-acre beach facility includes a pool, tennis and volleyball courts, a children's play area, public art, a splash pad, spaces for events and meetings, Back on the Beach cafe and a historic guest house from the former Marion Davies estate. They have guided tours of the guest house, yoga classes and swimming classes.  This was formerly the site that WIlliam Randolph Hearst built for his mistress and it was quite the scene in its heyday. Now it is just a delightful place to take kids, swim a few laps in a beautiful swimming pool and eat at decent restaurant. This has been one of the best things to happen to Santa Monica, and it has made my life more enjoyable.  It is amazing that this prime piece of real estate was made available to the public instead of another private beach club that costs more to join than most people's annual salary. 

This has been a great summer spot and I have enjoyed meeting friends for dinner to watch the sun set and take in the beauty of the beach. It is also nice to  know that the people at the private beach club next door are having a fit that the riff-raff can enjoy the same luxury as them, at a fraction of the cost. 

If you live in Southern California, this place is definitely worth the visit. This is one of the truly great family spots and the price can't be beat.  If you don't mind associating with the common folks, you'll have a ball.  

You Don't Know What You've Got Till it's Gone

This week I'm preparing to say good-bye to a part of me that has always been a part of me.  I am about to bid fare well to all of my hair. Since I am reaching the fourteenth day since I started Chemotherapy, I have been forewarned to expect my hair to fall out. Not just a few stray hairs coming out every time I brush it, but handfuls every time I even touch it.  I am dreading it more than you can imagine, not because I am vain (which I am) but this will confirm more than anything that I am officially a member of the fighting-for-my-life-with-chemotherapy club.  Everyone says that it will grow back, but unlike a bad haircut, it will never be the same.  

My relationship with my hair has not always been easy, but I learned to accept it for what it was and work with it instead of against it.  I accepted the fact that I had straight hair, and no perm in the world was going to make it anything but. Thank God the curly hair fad only lasted a short time, but unfortunately long enough for me to make a fool of myself.  Most of the time I took it for granted, then tried to make up for it with a myriad of fancy shampoos, conditioners and good haircuts.  With the help of a good stylist and a little color, we had a long, amicable, sometimes loving, relationship.

I was told by my cancer support group that I need to start looking for a wig right away and not wait until my hair has fallen out. I was also advised to have it shaved off like Britney Spears, but being such a private person, I don't know if I can go through with it.  I know the paparazzi won't be there for me, but I still don't think I can do it. 

So this week I am going to start looking for a wig that will make me feel less vulnerable and camouflage what I am really going through.  Nothing says cancer patient like a bald head.  

A Day at the Beach

Since I wasn't feeling too terribly bad today, I decided to go to my old stomping ground, Seal Beach, to spend the day with old friends.  It was a beautiful day, a beautiful evening, and a fun dinner at Ruby's on the Pier.  It is days like this that make me realize I want to keep enjoying this wonderful life I have.  

Moving Along the Highway

I really don't know what is going on with my life, but today when I woke up after my first day of chemo, I felt rather normal, other than my face seemed to have a little more color than usual. A friend called to see how I was doing and when she mentioned that she was going to the Santa Monica Farmer's Market, I decided to go with her. 

I didn't feel nauseous, had no desire to throw up and I wasn't at all sleepy. Because I am never content with taking it easy, I ended up staying for three hours and walking all over town. I will probably pay for it tomorrow, but it sure was fun to feel like my normal self after all the horror stories I have been hearing about how chemo was going to take me down.

I am going to do everything I can possibly do to challenge it and I started today by indulging in some of the freshest fruits and vegetables in all of Southern California. Now all I have to do is figure out a way to lose my desire for all things sugar. I ate a whole cantaloupe today, but still couldn't convince myself it was as good as a piece of chocolate cake.

Another thing I indulged in is this pair of Sketchers Shape Ups. They had me the moment I tried them on, and I never wanted to take them off my feet even to try on a larger side.  I have never had a more comfortable pair of walking shoes, and I know I am not going to have any trouble meeting my five mile a day challenge wearing these, complete with the beautiful ocean that I get to walk along every day.  They say attitude is everything and hopefully I can concentrate on what is good in my life right now, instead of how bad it sucks.

I Have Walked Through the Fear

Today was my first day of chemotherapy and although it wasn't the best five hours of my life, it certainly wasn't the worst. After you get over the initial shock that your body is being injected with poison, you start to see your life in a different light. All the things your took for granted are going to be altered and nothing is ever going to be easy again. 

Right now I feel great, but I know that the infamous nausea is going to show its ugly head in the near future. I am going to get a good nights sleep, so that I can face tomorrow.

It's Not Easy Being Me

I haven't felt like blogging this summer, mainly because I have been vacillating with my emotions and I never know what is going to show up on my blog.  A few months ago, I heard the words that a woman never wants to hear - "you have breast cancer."  It certainly got my attention. From that moment on,  I have been going through a myriad of emotions and the majority are not positive.

All in all, I have mostly been in denial, because if you felt as good as I do, combined with boundless enerygy, how could you possibly be harboring something as ominous as cancer in your body? I never had any symptoms forewarning me that something dreadful was going on inside of me. 

This summer, I have been keeping as busy as humanly possible, so that I don't have a spare moment to dwell on what is ahead.  I have been ignoring the voices in my head that are trying to convince me that I am the victim, because if I do succumb to that theory, I will most definitely lose the battle. I have been somewhat evading questions from friends, mainly because I don't know or what to know the answers.  I haven't once contacted Dr. Google for consultation,  because I don't want to be overwhelmed or discouraged.  I have decided to handle this, one day at a time, and if needed, one minute at a time.

What I do know is that this disease will rob me of my health, my energy, my hair, my spirit and will be the final exam of my life.  I feel that my whole life has been one big boot camp of survival, so this should just be one more challenge that I have to face.  I just have to remember to not let the fear be greater than the faith.  Tomorrow I start my first round of chemotherapy so If you can, please say a prayer for me.