The Lonely Road of Chemotherapy

I had my sixth round of chemotherapy on Thursday, my last till after the mastectomy, and it was no different than the previous other five.  You go into a room, a needle is placed in your arm and a few bags of chemicals slowly creep into your body.  The whole process takes about six hours, and afterward you feel very little effect, other than your brain seems to be functioning in slow motion. The worst part about the whole thing is that you have to take steroids the day before, the day of, and the day after and they make you want to climb the walls. Besides being wired, your body craves food even though your mind says no.

The bottom line is that my body is really messed up and there is nothing I can do about it, except hold on tight and go along for the ride. From what I hear, I am luckier than most people who undergo chemo, because I don't get nauseous.  But that doesn't mean it is a joy ride.  By the third day, the chemicals take my body hostage.  I get tired, a little disoriented, depressed, full of self pity and worst of all, water tastes like poison.  My taste buds are scorched, and food has a chemical taste to it.  I am constantly thirsty, but can't stand the taste of anything liquid (and believe me I have tried everything) and instead of not wanting to eat, my stomach craves food. Unfortunately it is comfort food.  Cheese, butter, pizza, bread, sweets, ice cream and anything else that is sure to clog your arteries, are the only things I can tolerate.

My defense mechanism has been green smoothies. Thank God for my juicer and access to lots of fresh green vegetables, which enables me to down about five green cocktails a day. I swear they are what keep me going and are the reason I am as healthy as I have been during this dreadful ordeal.

I have also been on hiatus from life's complications, because stress is a definite buzz kill when you have so very little to be cheerful about.  I don't even think of the problems of everyday living, because this isn't really living, it's coasting.  Coasting down the highway of survival, doing what you need to do, but knowing that this is an overwhelming ordeal that is bigger than me, and in the hands of something greater than myself.  I have faith and that is the most important thing. 

Comments

[kat \ Taylor Made designs]

hoping things get better soon. I don't know much about breast cancer...how long your chemo will be... but I'm hoping it's working and it won't be much longer!

I was pretty sick a few years back and the medication I was on was just terrible. I had to take 13 pills daily. My immune system was destroyed and I just felt depressed + had a general feeling of malaise... always :( Today, I'm grateful that I have not relapse. It took 2 years to get through it, but I did... and you will too. Faith will help :)

Wishing you happy happy holiday!

[cindy hartigan]

I too think the American buying spree is permanently over. We baby boomers have everything we could possibly need and want and hopefully our children have or will learn to live a simpler life. You're right, the most important thing in life is family, friends, and nature. Have a great holiday with your family and I hope to see you soon! Your Sis, Cindy