Way back when I was going through my divorce, I was so scared, alone and depressed that I didn't know how I could ever get through it. Part of me was so excited about having my life back and being free again, while on the other hand, I had no confidence that I would ever be able to raise my children, let alone make it financially. I was a mother of two young girls, who had become quite accustomed to the life I was living. Entrapment. That is how my therapist described my marriage. I had been betrayed, and I lost all respect for the person I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. It was that simple, but divorce is never easy. You have to go through a battle that leaves you with less money, less security and squeezes every drop of self esteem out of your war-torn body. The day to day trenches of divorce almost tempted me to Sylvia Plath myself into an oven.
One day someone suggested I read the book, Return to Love, by Marrianne Williamson, and I can honestly say it turned around, if not saved my life. I read it in two days and started on a journey of becoming less of a victim and more of a woman in control of her life, requiring me to reprogram my mind. If anyone had the road map to the trip I wanted to spend the rest of my life taking, she did. I admire this woman so much, that I proceeded to listen to her tapes every day, and got to the point that I knew more about her than anyone else in my life. I dabbled in the Course of Miracles, joined a twelve step program, read everyone of her eight books and changed the quality of people I had in my life. I have to admit it didn't happen overnight, but throughout the years, I learned how to be a spiritual person, most of the time.
I was so excited when I went to the local Barnes and Noble and saw that she had written another book, and was going to be there in person on Thursday night, lecturing and signing copies. I finally had the chance to see her in person. Once she started speaking, I felt so at home, so comforted. It feels like I have known her forever and I wanted to tell her how much she influenced my life, but I couldn't, without releasing all the tears I had building up in my eyes.
Her new book is A Course in Weight Loss, which was written with the encouragement of Oprah, Is next on my list to read. She reminded me of what it feels like to be in that place that is so nurturing. I want to try to get there again.
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